The Trouble With Words
by DAIRdevil
Summary: Non-verbal communication. In the form of Blair trying to send semi-vague tweets/posts/status' about Dan, because she wants him back. Sweet/very angsty hijinks ensue. In other words, I'm going to angst the shit out of this story.
1. Trouble Is A Friend

**The Trouble With Words.**

She doesn't know when it hits her.  
Between vying for Chuck's love,  
Trying to establish her ranks in the fashion industry,  
And running away from anyone who actually mattered,  
She doesn't know when she started to miss him.  
Dan.  
All she knows is it comes from deep within her.  
And it hits her like a ton of bricks.

She feels stupid.  
She's in Monte Carlo playing mind games with the king of the trade.  
And she realizes that she is right back to where she started.  
Chasing Chuck, putting him before everything. Including herself.  
How does she get herself into this over and over again?  
She paces around her hotel room and tells herself that this is not a healthy love.  
It was good, yes.  
Some may even call it a great love.  
But it's toxic, nonetheless.  
And she knows that there comes a time when you have to decide between what you know you need and what you think you want.

Yes, here is where she realizes that she's made another mistake.  
Yet again.  
She figures someone should be keeping count by now.  
The bottom line is that she misses him.  
She misses him so much that her chest aches and she can hardly sleep.  
No dosage of sleeping pills can keep her mind from wandering off, back to Brooklyn.

She can't decide what it is she misses the most though:  
The charm,  
the intellectual banter,  
the star-crossed element of it all.  
_God, Blair, you are as intelligent as one of those teen moms, or Penelope after a few mojitos on Cinco de Mayo. What are you going to do now, Waldorf?  
_She sits on the edge of her bed and puts her face in her palms.  
She knows she has to talk to him.  
But how can she do that?  
She just gave up on them.  
And for what? The familiar cat and mouse game of making her feel worthless.  
She shakes her head with a pitiful sigh at the thought of sending him a text.  
What would she even say?  
IF she drafted a hypothetical text to Humphrey, it would probably go over like this:

_**Dan,**__  
__**I know I took your heart on a silver platter and then proceeded to ground it into my pristine carpet with my favorite pair of Louboutins. But, I miss you. So forgive me for basically making you give up all your dreams for something with me just to crush any chance there was for us, despite everything you've done for me this year helping me through the hardest struggles of my life.**_

_Jesus, Blair. That would go over real well. _  
She walks over to her nightstand and grabs her laptop.  
She pulls up Gossip Girl, as trite as it may be.  
She needs to see what he's doing, _how_ he's doing.  
She sees pictures of him in Rome, or somewhere like it.  
What she sees is him dancing and laughing with a different girl in every picture.  
And she can almost feel herself get that hot, tingly jealous feeling in the pit of her stomach and in the flush of her cheeks. But then she has to remind herself that she doesn't have any right to be possessive of him. He's clearly not hers anymore. If she ever gave him the chance to be hers in the first place.

She closes Gossip Girl and opens a new window.  
She logs in and waits for the proper words to come to her.  
She hesitates but scrolls over the screen.

_**BWaldorfUES: I could beg for your forgiveness, but what would that do? I'm still me and you're still you. Nothing will change that. But I still miss you. **_140/140 _**  
**_  
Tweet.

She feels herself hesitate yet again.  
Maybe he won't even see it.  
Maybe he's too busy moving on, living his life.  
Maybe he's forgotten about her.  
She clicks the small, blue button and shuts her laptop immediately.  
She just had one question for herself:

_When the hell did she get so afraid?_

* * *

_**I'M BACK! God I missed this place. And all my lovely reviewers from KH, I hope you will like this one too. I am still royally pissed about that shitshow of a finale, but I keep my hope.  
I will always Dare to Dair. :D  
Now, you know the drill.  
Review, tell me everything you love/hate about it.  
And I should have Dan's chapter up by tomorrow-ish?**_

_**You know I love you. **_


	2. Finding Trouble Everywhere

Dan.

_What's the point?_

His heart has been stomped on, bruised, and obliterated.  
He's never had luck in the game of love.  
He's always been the boy next door.  
The reliable friend.  
Always second best.  
Whether it be to Nate, Chuck, or any number of wealthy Upper East Side elitists,  
he was always the last one to be chosen.  
That's just who he is:  
Dan, the consolation prize.  
So what is the point in trying anymore?  
Because here he is: in a new place every day, taking a new girl home every night.  
Trying to mask this pain that a certain brunette left him with.  
And it only makes him realize how he doesn't want any of these girls.  
They are only mere consolation prizes for him.  
Because compared to her, they are nothing.  
So he's sitting on the floor of his hotel room downing outrageously priced, tiny bottles of liquor trying to decide what was worse: her hating him or him loving her.  
Blair will always be Blair.  
And he will always love her.  
Yes, that's where he is.  
He's a Humphrey running from the inevitable.  
He can't get away from her.  
She's always in his head.  
Nitpicking what he wears, or what he watches, or what he writes.  
Her voice has taken over his brain as he critiques certain works as being classless and tacky.  
Countless art exhibits and foreign films later and it's official:  
She successfully managed to brainwash him into believing she will always be right.  
_God, Dan, get a hold of yourself. You had a life before her, you know?_  
But the truth is, he can't even remember life before her.  
It's like he didn't even exist until he took in the same air as Blair Waldorf.  
And he hates himself for that.  
He takes another shot and gets up from the ground, unsteady.  
He walks over to his desk where he's supposed to be writing the novel he should've written.  
The book about how selfish and greedy and heartbreaking the Upper East Side actually is.  
But he hasn't been able to write one word of it.  
He opens his laptop and see's dozens of notifications:

An email from Nate; _I'll talk to him later.  
_An email from Serena: **Are you sure you want to delete this message? **_Yes.  
_A few emails from his dad; _Later, later, later.  
_And there, while he's scrolling through junk mail, he see the blast:

* * *

_**Well Upper East Siders,  
It looks like Lonely boy isn't the only writer in our midst.  
I wonder if Humphrey's checked his twitter lately?  
I hope he didn't unfollow Queen B when they headed their separate ways.  
Because she's gotten quite poetic with her apologies.**_

_** See for yourself**_:

_** BWaldorfUES: I could beg for your forgiveness, but what would that do? I'm still me and you're still you. Nothing will change that. But I still miss you. **_

_**Who knew Queen of the Upper East Side had such a way with words?  
Any constructive criticism, Lonely Boy?**_

_**XOXO  
**_

* * *

_God damnit Blair.  
_What is he supposed to say?  
_All is forgiven? No.  
_She crushed him.  
A simple apology isn't going to change that.  
Besides, wasn't she supposed to be living happily ever after with Chuck?  
_No, screw her. And her stupid fairytales.  
_She should know by now that this isn't a romantic comedy.  
She can't just apologize and make him love her again.  
Just because she's Blair.  
No, it's not fair.  
He pulls up his twitter account and blows the figurative dust off.  
He posts a message of his own:

_** NYDanHumphrey: Don't say that you miss me when you ran away. And don't apologize for making me watch you walk away. Because that one's on me.**_

**Tweet.**

He clicks the button without a second thought and finds himself back on the floor with his old friend Mr. Daniels, and the only thing floating around in his head is the question:

_How did I let this happen?_

* * *

_**Thank you so much for your reviews! They make me happy and want to keep writing. I meant to have this up a while ago and I apologize for my unreliable internet service at the moment.  
But just know that I am going to angst the shit out of this story.  
And I hope I don't disappoint.**_

_**You know I love you.**_


	3. Nobody Knows Trouble Like Me

_**Blair**_.

As she scrolls down her timeline, her mouth starts to gape and her cheeks flush red.  
_Who knew Humphrey had it in him?_  
She wasn't exactly expecting him to accept her apology with open arms,  
but she did expect him to tell her that everything was okay.  
Like he had always done for her before.  
But what she got, was not what she expected at all.  
She had no idea he could be so _bitter._  
She takes the flask out of her bedside table and pours the liquor down her throat.  
_When did I get so bad at this?_  
But she's never exactly known when to follow her head or follow her heart.  
She thought Chuck was her heart's decision.  
But now she thinks it wasn't so.  
It was just,  
_familiar.  
_It was the same old, same old thing that she was used to.  
She didn't have to broach new territory with him.  
It was all old news.  
It was comfortable to her.  
But it isn't what she needed.  
She needed to be challenged,  
to be corrected when she was wrong,  
to be supported when she was weak,  
to be loved when she least deserved it.  
Chuck never did any of that.  
He loved her when it was convenient for him.  
He supported her when she was doing what everyone else thought she should do.  
And she thought that was love.  
Until Dan Humphrey came along.  
Maybe that's why she was so scared of being in love with him.  
It was strange waters and she didn't know how to navigate them.  
Here was someone who loved literature and foreign films just as much as she did.  
Someone who had the same work ethic she did.  
Someone who put his friends and family before himself: loyal. Like her.  
He fought for what he thought was right.  
But he never held grudges or was bitter about seemingly losing something.  
That was what she really admired about him.  
It was something that he had taught her along the way.  
She remembers something he once told her while they were seeing foreign flicks together.

_**"**Humphrey, I don't understand the point of this movie. Yes, she's a beautiful girl.  
But is she just going to let the other girl beat her? She looks weak."  
"Not everything is a game, Blair. And she's not weak for letting go. She's strong for moving on.**"**_

She doesn't know why, but that always stuck with her.  
And look where it's gotten her now.  
She let go and hurt the one person who she trusted more than anyone in this crazy, mixed-up world she found herself tied up in.  
And now she couldn't even move on.  
He was everywhere.  
Every time she closes her eyes, she sees his curly muppet hair and his boyish smile.  
She sees him.  
And she swears she's never seen so much plaid in her life.  
She takes down another gulp of alcohol.  
It sickens her.  
The plaid, not the alcohol.  
But it also gives her that pitter patter in her chest.  
And she realizes how much she regrets choking down the urge to tell him she loved him when he had told her.  
_Stupid, stupid, Blair. Always trying to have the upper hand. Stupid control freak.  
_She puts her head down on her desk and lets out a sigh of frustration.  
_Fine, you know what? Fine. If he doesn't want me then fine. I don't want him either.  
Stupid, stupid, me for thinking that the one person I actually cared about would forgive me.  
And not be such a royal ass. Stupid fucking Blair.  
I just have to remember how I used to feel about him.  
"The only thing lamer than dating Dan Humphrey is mourning Dan Humphrey."  
Right?_

She pulls up her Tumblr, knowing he'll be posting anonymous articles on being a pretentious writer from Brooklyn turned best-selling author right about now. _Ass.  
_She empties the contents of the flask and throws it to the side._  
_She starts a new post.

_**New Post, BWaldorfUES**_

_Title:_ **To whom it may concern:**

**I don't know if you're reading this, or if you even care anymore.  
But I did love you, you know.  
And I thought you would have understood my hesitation seeing as my last relationship was one of emotional abuse and manipulation. I thought you would get it.  
I have a hard time saying how I truly feel.  
I thought you understood that.  
I thought you understood me.  
So here you go: I loved you.  
But you pushed me into a corner.  
You gave me an ultimatum and I had to run.  
That's what wild things do.  
So yes, I ran.  
But you know what?  
I still loved you.  
Obviously you were the stronger person for getting over me so fast.  
I've seen all the pictures of you and all these girls splattered on Gossip Girl.  
I hope you're having fun.  
It's not like I care anymore.  
I ****loved ****you.  
It's over.  
It's gone.  
I'm done.  
And so are we.**

_**Post.**_

She closes her laptop and pushes it off her bed.  
She doesn't care anymore.  
If he can be reckless and not give a shit, then she can too.  
She'll show him just how good she is at moving on.  
She'll show him.  
He's going to regret ever making Blair Waldorf love him.  
And she would make damn sure of that.  
But not before she spent the night crying over what could have been.

* * *

_****_

Hey!  
I'm sorry this one is so short.  
But I actually just checked word count and it's the longest one I've put out.  
It just feels short to me.  
It's probably the angst.  
Yeah, that's it.  
I just had to get another chapter out.  
I need to please you people.  
And I'm glad everyone is ready for me to angst the shit out of this story.  
Because I'm planning on making you all hate Blair and Dan at the same time and then fall in love with them again, maybe.  
Like I said, angsty shit right here.  
So tell me how I'm doing.  
Review!

You know I love you.**  
**


	4. Troublemaker

Dan.

He wonders if she is as troubled by him as he is tortured by her.  
He wonders if he'll ever forgive her and at he same time if he'll ever be strong enough to get over her.  
He wonders if he even really wants to.  
Its like a sickness.  
Some strange madness he clings to.  
He searches for her everywhere:  
In the books he reads.  
In the plays he sees.  
In the alcohol he nearly drowns himself in.  
He doesn't think he can live without her.  
Whether he hates or is absolutely infatuated with her.  
He doesn't know which emotion is which anymore.  
He screwed up too.  
He won't put it all on her.  
He slept with her best friend, albeit a bad best friend, at the Shepard's divorce party.  
Which is kind of funny really, seeing as Nate slept with Serena at the Shepard's wedding while he was dating Blair.  
What a funny fucked up coincidence.  
He wonders if that makes him just as bad as Chuck.  
He never wanted to hurt her.  
He doesn't know if she knows about him having sex with Serena.  
She's bound to find out soon enough.  
If Gossip Girl hasn't already blasted it to hell.  
He wishes he never got involved with Serena in the first place.  
He could have never fallen in love with her.  
She never would've had the opportunity to break his heart repeatedly.  
He would have never met the infamous Blair Waldorf of the Upper East Side.  
He wouldn't have fallen for her either.  
But it's not that easy.  
He saw her blog post.  
And the pictures of young businessmen and college guys that she was going out with.  
She was going to clubs and drinking too much.  
She was being sloppy with the boys she decided to kiss.  
All for him to see it blasted all over Gossip Girl.  
And that night he trashed his apartment.  
And her blog entry?  
Absolute bullshit.  
She was not going to blame this all on him.  
And she's sitting there pulling the Holly Golightly card with the whole "You can't tame a wild thing." thing.  
_Bullshit.  
_She couldn't just write off their relationship that easily.  
Sometimes he just wanted to say, "_Fuck you, Blair."_  
But he couldn't do that.  
He could never do that.  
He loved her too much.  
But there was a part of him that wanted to ignore that.  
There was a part of him that wanted to hurt her.  
If only just a little.  
She at least deserved that.  
She deserved a lot more than that actually.  
She had ruined his life while they were in high school.  
She talked about him every chance she got.  
She insulted him.  
She used him.  
She manipulated him.  
And for what?  
Just so he could fall in love with her and turn around and watch her pick someone else.  
She destroyed him.  
He pulled up his Facebook page and started typing in the status box,  
**I never asked for any of this, don't act like this is my fault. You're not Holly Golightly. Stop acting like someone you're not. And take responsibility for once in your privledged life. **

He hit post.  
And that was it.  
He wasn't going to let her treat their relationship like it was nothing.  
He was going to hurt her the way that she continually hurt him.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and texted a familiar number of a familiar blonde.  
One he hadn't seen since she fled town down the rabbit hole to wonderland.

**I need that video. -D  
**_Why, Dan? -S  
_**I need to hurt her. You get it, right? -D  
**_Yeah, I get it. Check your email. -S  
_**Thanks. Where are you anyway? -D  
**_Don't worry about it. And be careful, because there's no going back after you do this, Dan. She will never forgive you. -S_

But he just didn't care.

* * *

_**Hello there :D**_

_**Now I am positive this is one short ass chapter, and I apologize.  
I am trying to do way more with my life right now than I have time for.  
But here you go.  
Enjoy.  
And review!  
They make me happy! :)**_

_**You know I love you.**_


End file.
